Cog in the wheel

I joined an organization. I joined at a level lower than what I would have been had i continued in the industry and not taken a break to prepare for civil services exam. I am happy with a lovely wife and am looking forward to a cute baby expected anytime soon. 

When i was in the break, and was not working, I always felt I was different from the crowd. I used to look at the morning office going crowd and take a long drag of my morning sutta and wonder at their mundane existence. I used to see the speeding bikes and cars while i jogged back from the gym in the evening and wondered how it would feel to be one of them. An anonymous face in the crowd, working for some organization, on some technology or support function, contributing a small part which might make a miniscule difference to the world. Waiting for the weekend on weekdays and waiting for the salary on month ends. 

I wondered how it would be to settle down in life, a wife, a child, a small home to return to every evening. How would it be to have a little amount tucked away for future and live happily in today. 

I wondered. And the more I wondered I realized that I might not exactly fit into such scheme of things. I might get bored with the regularity and the clockwork life. 

Now things are different. I have joined an organization. I go to office, put all my efforts in the work, I don't even waste a single minute in checking my personal mails, I don't surf the net, all my concentration is on finishing the work and get some more. My boss is afraid of me as he knows that the moment he keeps me empty I will say "man, I am free, give me work".

I was bulleting back after work yesterday. There were other bikes and cars speeding back home with me on the road. I paused at a signal for it to turn green. And then it struck me. I saw a boy smoking a sutta with chai on the roadside. It was me, separated in time. 

I no longer wonder how it would feel to be a cog in the wheel. I am one. 

The Recession

Sitting jobless at home is scary. Especially when you are actively searching for jobs and are not finding one. The subprime crisis and the financial meltdown has finally caught up with me. The company that offered me a job and asked me to join as early as possible has now put my offer on hold. The lady from HR department called and somehow conveyed that the recession has eaten away my job, though she miserably failed to establish the link between some banks in US lending money to hippies who couldn't pay back, and my job under consideration. Anyway, she hung up by saying that she will try to get back to me as soon as possible, and when the situation improves. Many probablities to overcome in her sentence. 'try' to get back, 'as soon as possible' and 'when the situation improves' etc.

So I am currently trying at other places. Searching for jobs is an experience which can only be compared with the experience of constipation. You want to get it, but you don't. You want it to come your way, but it won't. But once you get a job, the experience swings to other extreme and you reach loose motion area. Once you join one job, you will get better offers and calls from other consultants. You don't know where to hide. Either extremes is not pleasant.

I sit whole day, waiting for someone to call. I go to internet and apply wherever I see any requirement remotely resembling any word in my resume.

Meanwhile my friend Somashekhara Gowda, who too went behind civil services and is now looking for a job is constipating. He is now looking at positions for lecturers in engineering colleges. I too had a fleeting thought of teacing at some IAS coaching institute till recession recedes and the days of loose motion begins. But with an experience of more than 3.5 years in industries (and more that 5.5 for Gowda), it is a real low. In a fortnight, you might find me doing exactly that if i don't get any job. Decent money too.

Personally, the situation is not bad. Last year, when i was looking for a job, it was Raghu who was sponsoring my chai, sutta and rent. My brother was contributing for the food. This year, i don't need suttas (i gave up), and my other expenses are taken care by my biwi- the girl who adopted me few months ago. She's in office while I sit here and type this. I go around in a car in contrast to the BMTC buses last year. I am getting a 500cc machismo bullet as my birthday gift (yes, biwi gifted me a bullet!) and I dine at the best restaurants in the town and sip chivas regal. My personal life rocks.

To overcome the feeling of guilt and shame of sitting at home, I use logic. I talk to myself, this way. "Tiru, look in the present. Right now, you are sitting in a sofa, typing this on a nice laptop, your stomach is full, you have money and all modern comforts. And you know you will get a job today or tomorrow. So you need not worry. In fact, you deserve this joblessness after years of running behind targets and exams. So enjoy. Make the most of it while it lasts. Learn Matlab and mathematical modelling. Read novels. Watch the cartoons. Spend time with biwi as you might not find enough time for her once you get through civil services or get a job...." and so on.

But every evening, when i see the office goers returning home, I realize that a day has passed without any indication of a job coming my way. Then biwi comes home. She smiles and i forget everything else.

Tiru

My PJs

You are a pervert. Biwi says. I agree. I invented some perverted PJs recently for the junta. here's it

PJ1:

What would krishna's mom say when she wants him to pee and then go (to bed).
Ans: Gopi Krishna

PJ2:

What does it mean when you say Radha and Shyam are in congress or say radha is in congress for past 20 years?
Hint: congress also means sexual intercourse.
Ans: you got it (and i have decided that i will never join congress party...i don't want to say, 'I am in congress for past 20 years' anytime later in my life)

PJ3:
What sound does Rajnikanth's towel make when he moves it from one shoulder to the other?
Ans: Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

PJ4 (not mine, i heard it somewhere)
Monk to his followers: Sects sects and sects, that's all you can think of night and day! I don't want any sects.

PJ5:
What's the sign of a true Yogi?
Ans: He who can CONTROL when the CUNT ROLLS is a true yogi.


Will add some more later...

Tiru

The itch

Why blog? He asked me.
I asked him, why scratch? (he was scratching his balls)
To relieve the itch, he replied shamelessly
I have blogger's itch, I said. He shut up.

I like blogging. I said it was my hobby in one of the interviews and the members of the board asked me many questions right from 'what 's blogging'? (ignorants) to 'tell me why do you blog'?(probants) to which of course, i couldn't give them the scratch reply. In one of the mock interviews (which was more or less mockery interview compared to actual one) one of the jackasses on board asked me: How can you improve the situation in the country using your blogs? Gee, take that, he beat me at thinking shit. I wanted to reply: sir, i would write blogs that would reduce everone's itch right from dhobi's itch to the oye oye B tex itch. Then everyone's hands will be free, and away from balls, and that way Indian men will be able to work. That would make our country prosperous. But i just smiled and gave him a funda on how great writings uplift masses (if they are literate of course!)
Anyway, the phenomenon of itch is something difficult of explain. why exactly it itches is something that is an interesting case in research history of medical science. The reason is still not clear but more or less they have concluded that it is due to the inflammation of the never endings nears the skin which gives the sensation of the itch. I would have accepted the view if they had explained why exactly scratching reduces itch? Medical science is yet to reply satisfactorily to this question.
Anyway, that's not the point here. Actually there's no point here in this blog if you look at it carefully, but only itch reduction. I am trying to reduce my itch. aaaaahhhhhhaaa what a relief. As my finger glides on the keyboard i feel the itch reducing. I am feeling orgasmic delight from the tip of my fingers. i feel as if i have multiple clitori on fingertips. And the small projection, like an underline, on the buttons of letters F and J on the keyboard are rubbing against it, giving me heaven minus the moans.
But what's this, I got real itch now. Sitting and sweating while writing the blogs have given me itch on the bums. So I am reducing the actual itch now. Let me scratch and come back....

Tiru

The hydrocele-phobia

I was stretching in the gym and i saw a guy using the cycling machine in front of me. I had decided to go for aerobics today. I am trying to reduce the fat in my body, to get that lean, mean look. And it’s not easy. I ran on the treadmill for around 20 minutes and then I came for cycling. There were only five cycling machines and all of them were occupied. On four of them, there were girls and the fifth was still occupied by the same guy. I wanted to start cycling before my body cools down. I didn’t feel like going on the stepper or the ass-bender; the machine on which one pedals with hands and feet together, in standing position. That never gives me good workout. So cycling it has to be. I pondered for a moment. I can’t ask any girl to get down; the gentleman in me would never allow me to do that, and waiting is not my habit. So, the guy it has to be. And he is cycling for more than 20 minutes. And he has kept it on ‘easy’ so that he can pedal long. Asshole. I then thought of an idea. I walked up and stood near him and said:
‘Hi, would you mind if I tell you something?’
‘I am Sai’
‘I am tiru, sigh, nice name’
‘you want to cycle?’
‘Are you getting down?’
’10 more minutes’
One girl got down by the time, but I didn’t go there. I had decided something else by then.
I said: ‘Sai I want to say something to you’
‘go on’
‘if you cycle so much, you will face problems’
‘what problem?’
‘you might get hydrocele’
‘what’s that, i have heard about it somewhere’
‘it’s a serious condition, you balls will swell’
‘swell? why?’
‘Ya, the water fills in the balls and it might swell so huge that you might have to carry it in your arms when you walk’
‘Really? you are kidding’
‘No i am not, i swear’
‘Does that happen to all?’
‘No, females are spared’, I replied
‘he he he, i know why’, Sai had brains.
‘How do i know how much time i should cycle to be safe from hydrocele’, the question from Sai followed.
‘Good question, it’s like this. After cycling for 10 minutes, you get down. Stand erect. Shake your arse so that your balls too shake. If they don’t, they are getting harder due to formation of lactic acid and when the acid recedes it will be replaced by water and you might get hydrocele. So you should never let your balls harden like the biceps when you work out’, I demonstrated it by shaking my waist vigorously and touched my balls to feel it and said, ‘see, like this’
‘O my God, the gym instructor never told me this. I think he is not qualified enough. You seem very knowledgeable’
‘ya, i have been working out for past eight years. Moreover, i also learn by observation. Have you seen Tendulkar? You might have noticed how he shakes his balls after every few runs. He does it to avoid hydrocele’
‘Ya, now i recall, of course, you are right man. Thanks a lot’
I gave a wry smile. He stopped cycling and went away. I climbed on the cycle and started.
After few days, I saw him again, this time too, on the cycle, but after 10 minutes, he promptly got down. He took his balls in hand, and shook it like Tendulkar does after every 10 runs, and walked away.


Tiru